Don't you send me to vm
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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