I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
