How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize