so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
