I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
