what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
