He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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