You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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