i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
