Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
