just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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