i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
