I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize