6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I AM VODKA MAN
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
