Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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