barbara walters just said penis...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
