You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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