It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Houston, we have a blender
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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