So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just high enough for therapy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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