Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
