Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
