I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
