It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
