My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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