I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
