if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
