Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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