i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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