I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
