My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
