Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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