summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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