Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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