He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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