i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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