Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
