so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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