i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
