all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
In America we eat man semen.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
