My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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