why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
