Having a random hookup so left but love u
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
