I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
