My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
