TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
