He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
