We're like a lot better than the average bears
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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