He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
