u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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