I love black thongs
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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