I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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