To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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