sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
