Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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