im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize