being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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