Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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