Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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