Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
