3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He better not be in your backpack
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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