woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
