so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
