I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
