Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
