we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
