I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize