im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You are the jesus of drinking
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
