I accidentally had phone sex last night
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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