lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize