Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
