Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He shit in the fireplace
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
