after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need water and some morals
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
