I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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