did you get engaged???
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
