I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is the high leading the old right now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
