Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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