I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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