You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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