i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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