she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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