i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
