So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
