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My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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