Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
