What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
