I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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