no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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