A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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