Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The struggles of a small town man whore
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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