Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
