today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
