It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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