in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
