I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
