Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
