Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
