Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
