So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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