well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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