tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
