He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
