i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
