R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
