It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
