So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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