Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
why do cheetos always look like penises
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
