:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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