I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
