That's intense
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
