Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
